Thanks Monica for this excellent post. It was just what I needed. Was beginning to feel guilt creeping up on me...
- for spending my weekends playing consecutive rounds of mahjong till Sean has to come and ask when dinner will be ready...
- when like Brian did some years ago, Sean is now saying I like using my computer more than spending time with them (pain! pain! it's like he's stabbing my heart! the little imp!)...I pretend to bawl and he concedes (not very convincingly), okay you like spending time with us more...
- for not getting back on track with doing academic work with the kids cos was too hooked on a silly spongebob squarepants pacman-like game. So hooked I couldn't blog for weeks; I'm over that now, thank God!
- for spending all my other spare time working on Killer Sudoku instead of chatting or reading with the kids.
Yes yes, it's all about Me! Me! Me! But by being selfish and taking care of ourselves first, we then have the capacity to be selfless and take care of others better. Happy Mum = Happy Kids.
When I was working, SAHMs would tell me I have it good, get to escape from the kids when I go to the office, and how hard being a SAHM was. But when I became a SAHM, I couldn't be more relieved. Some women feel they need to justify their existence by bigging up their role, if you're ready to flame me, then I'm not talking about you lah, why so sensitive! haha (Mon, I hate confrontation and deal with it through avoidance).
Case in point; my friend, really funny lady, would leave her vacuuming and household chores till the end of the day when her husband got back from work, so he'll see how much work she's doing. The rest of the day, we're hanging out in her kitchen, eating and chatting or having coffee at the mall! She does this so her husband will appreciate her more.
I know different people have different circumstances so I'm only speaking for myself. Being a SAHM is the easiest job in the world, these two monkeys give me so much joy and laughter no money in the world can buy; plus I don't feel like I'm giving up anything to be a SAHM. My friends tell me I should emphasise to the boys how much I am sacrificing to be at home with them. But that would be lying, I'm staying home with them because I want to, I'm doing this for Me! They give me more than I could ever give them.
I may jest about the antics my kids get up to (and Sean gets up to many!) but you'll hardly hear me complaining about how difficult it is to be a mom. To me, it just isn't.
I'm not saying I have a charmed life and nothing is difficult. I just don't make things more difficult than it should be. If the laundry piles up, so be it; it will get done, if not today, then tomorrow. If not by me, then by my husband :) If the house gets messy, plan for guests to come by and that will surely motivate me to start tidying up, with help of course (Sean btw is excellent in tidying up, he's my champion, mwak! love you sweetheart!). If we're late getting home and it's past bedtime, then forget about showering, that can wait for morning. It doesn't have to get stressful.
I have utmost admiration for women who have it all; a permanently sparkling kitchen, dust-free home, polite and intelligent children, loving and successful husband, a kind and generous personality. But I'm not gonna beat myself just cos I'm not one of these women. I'm just here for the ride, and being a mum has been like a joyride so far...wheeee...let's just enjoy ourselves and our kids and our time with them...entirely guilt-free!